Wednesday, November 10, 2010
I wonder if playing an instrument is akin to growing out your hair-- there's only so long you can grow it before it breaks off. I'm hoping that my creativity isn't like my thin, dry hair; my violin playing is at a plateau in the band I play. Maybe this is because my violin concentration now is to facilitate movement of clients I have, or to distract my patients from pain; I don't play to perform or express myself. I never have, really. I sing for that reason, but I have never gone to my violin for any reason other than A) I have to, so that I don't entirely embarrass my mother at my next lesson, or B) to assist someone else in some way. Certainly I think of my violin as a family member, one who has grown up with me and has sat idly by when I neglected it for years. I don't think of it as a source of expression. I think of it as a dependable friend, or a horse that's out to pasture-- I can go get it when I want it, but mostly it's just stagnant and bored with me. There is so much more within my violin, and I feel badly for not drawing more from it. I feel that only a small percentage of its potential has been realized, and that I am disappointing it with my plateau.